The Wilderness

“I thank Thee that many of my prayers have been refused

I have longed for Egypt and have been given a wilderness.”

 – The Valley of Vision

The wilderness is a place of briars, barrenness, and solitude. Danger lies all around and no path has been cut through the overgrown trees and plants. Sustenance is not easily obtained. One must tread slowly and carefully, and even then, a tree root or rock may cause the feet to stumble.

 

It is not a place we willingly choose, but a place that God allows for our own best interest.

The wilderness forces one to look to the Lord for the most basic yet important needs: guidance, companionship, and nourishment. These are readily available in many forms in Egypt, along with the extra comforts like fish, cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, and garlic (Numbers 11:5). Egypt is bustling with people, ideas, advice, thrills, and comforts, but that’s usually not what our spirit needs most.

 

The temptations are greatest in the wilderness. Satan did not take Jesus to the bustling, distracting city to tempt Him. Instead He was tempted in the solitude and harshness of the wilderness. The temptation to worry, fear, lust, or grow angry and bitter – these can easily take root in our hearts and minds in the wilderness. The battle against the lust of the flesh and the pride of life is sharper in the wilderness.

 

If we choose to respond to our wilderness the right way, we can see our great sin and God’s great saving grace made real each day. We learn how to wield the weapons that are mighty through God. We learn what it’s like to have a Friend that sticks closer than a brother. What it’s like to walk in literal step by step dependence upon Him, trusting His right hand to hold us and keep us from falling. What it’s like to be fed the Living Word. What it’s like to be filled, as Paul writes in Colossians, with His fullness in spite of the barrenness we see around us. And we may even see what it’s like to find beauty in the wilderness. 

 

“Oh, the desert is lovely in its restfulness.

The great brooding stillness over and through

everything is so full of God. One does not

wonder that He used to take His people out

into the wilderness to teach them.”

 – Lilias Trotter

Yes, to teach them of Him and His ways. “It is good that I have been afflicted, that I might learn Thy statutes” (Psalm 119:71). It’s all about purifying us and molding us into the image of Christ. And the wilderness is one of His greatest tools.

Do I trust Him to lead me through the wilderness in His time? Yes, “I shall not lose me in the brake, for Thou dost know the way” (Amy Carmichael).

 

"My Lord knows the way through the wilderness.

All I have to do is follow.

 

Strength for today is mine all the way,

And all I need for tomorrow.

 

My Lord knows the way through the wilderness.

All I have to do is follow."

 - Unknown

Why?

“I seek the lessons God wants to teach me,

and that means that I ask why.”

 – Elisabeth Elliot

 

Why do the good suffer? Why do we have to watch loved ones experience pain and disease? Why does God ask us to give of ourselves, over and over, and then see nothing come of it? Why do plans change? Why do things break down just when we desperately need them? Why do children often take the brunt of their parents’ decisions? Why do relationships have to be so complicated? Why are there problems that seem to have layer after layer and no clear solution? Why does time sometimes pass too quickly and at other times pass agonizingly slow? Why does God ask us to wait? Why does God close some doors and open others?

 

I used to think that it was wrong to ask God why. I would picture a person with his fist raised at God, crying out in anger. The audacity of a finite creature daring to question the infinite Creator God shocked me. Somehow, it was the only way I thought one could ask God why.

 

I was wrong.

 

Elisabeth Elliot writes the following: “There would be no sense in asking why if one did not believe in anything. The word itself presupposes purpose. Purpose presupposes a purposeful intelligence. Somebody has to have been responsible. It is because we believe in God that we address questions to Him. We believe that He is just and that He is love, but that belief is put to severe strain as we wrestle with our pains and perplexities, with our very position in His ordered universe.”

 

Without any intention on my part (but plenty of intention on my Heavenly Father’s), my devotions have dovetailed on a single topic: asking God why. It started with the book of Job and some major life changes.

 

My knowledge of Job was confined to the few classic verses (Job 1:21, Job 19:25-26, Job 23:10) I have heard mentioned in sermons over the years. Maybe it was that I thought I knew enough about suffering, or have at least seen enough suffering in my job, to place it low on my reading list. Or maybe the thought of Job being stripped of everything was just, well, too uncomfortable to read about.

 

So, I took a deep breath and started reading. What I found completely changed my perspective, both on Job and on asking God why.

 

J. Vernon McGee writes that God’s purpose was twofold: to reveal Himself to Job and to reveal Job to himself. In other words, God desired to correct Job’s misconceptions of God and himself. “God selected the best man who ever lived in the time of the Old Testament, possibly the best man who ever lived with the exception of Jesus Christ. God chose this man and showed that he needed to repent. When we get to the end of this book, we find the words of Job himself. ‘I have heard of Thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth Thee. Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes’ (Job 42:5-6). This ought to teach every believer today – that no matter how good we think we are, we need to see ourselves as God sees us. All our righteousness is as filthy rags.”

 

As I get further and further, I see Job’s progression. After uttering his great statement in Job 1:21, he goes in to the depths of despair, wishing only for death (Job 3, 7). When his wish goes unmet, he wants to go into God’s presence and defend himself (Job 9). As he responds to the accusations and advice of his “friends,” we begin to see glimmers of light.  He realizes that he is unable to defend himself (Job 9:32). He recognizes that God is the sustainer of man (Job 12: 10). He acknowledges God as the source of wisdom, counsel, and strength (Job 12:13). He sees that God will be his salvation (Job 13:16) and that God is asking him to trust Him (Job 13:15).

 

Scattered throughout Job’s progression, I see whys, especially in chapter 3. I see Job asking God why. Why the test? Why the sufferings? Why are You doing this to me? He does not ask in anger with a raised fist, but out of a wondering, hurting heart. I see whys sprinkled throughout the Psalms as well (Psa. 10:1, Psa. 22:1, Psa. 42:9, Psa. 43:2, Psa. 88:14).

 

Like Job, I ask why. Like Job, God asks me to trust Him.

 

I can bring my questions to Him, but I know I have no right to the answer. He is God, I am not. His ways are not my ways. His purposes are higher than I could ever imagine.

 

In On Asking God Why (the second book the Lord brought to my attention) Elisabeth Elliot writes, “God does many things that we do not understand. Of course He does – He is God, perfect in wisdom, love, and power. We are only children, very far from perfect anything. A true faith must rest solidly on His character and His Word, not on our particular conceptions of what He ought to do.”

 

The proper posture is one of surrender, trust, and hope. Hope. That’s another concept the Lord has been teaching me. Hope in God is an amazing concept, one that Job recognizes in his great statement in Job 19:25. His hope is that God will redeem him, He will return to the earth one day, and He will restore. When I rest in that, He gives the peace that passes understanding.

 

The why remains, but so does He. We had a speaker from Canada in church a few weeks back. He said that God does not rush us through the crisis to the rest and safety on the other side until we have learned of Him. Each situation, problem, moment brings us an opportunity to know Him more. And that is really what it is all about. That is what the lesson was for Job. The lesson is the same for me today.

 

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?

Tell Me, if you have understanding.

Or who shut in the sea with doors when it burst out from the womb?

Have you entered into the springs of the sea, or walked in the recesses of the deep?”

 – Job 38:4, 5, 16

 

“No, Lord, but You have. Nothing in those dark caverns is mysterious to You.

Nor is anything in my life. I trust You with the unfathomables.

But You know I’ll be back – with the usual question.”

 – Elisabeth Elliot

On Sovereignty and Singleness

God is sovereign.

 

I was especially reflective last night. Perhaps it was because I was coming off a thirty-six hour shift at work. Or maybe it was the tragic news of the lives lost in Paris. It could have also been the anticipation of seeing unexpected, lavish grace in the wedding of Nancy Leigh Demoss and Robert Wolgemuth. I’m listening to the live stream of the prelude while I type.

 

It was likely a combination of all of the above.

 

As I sat last night, waiting for the pager to go off and feeling overwhelmed by what the first responders in France were going through – memories that will haunt them for a lifetime – the very nature of my job washed over me afresh.

 

TV portrayals of emergency work make it look thrilling and even glamorous. They leave out the long, grueling hours of waiting for calls, completing reams of paperwork, and dealing with crime, death, and disease. As hard as they try, television cannot capture the assault of smells, sounds, dangers, and commotion at an emergency scene.

 

I never know what waits for me on scene when I get into my ambulance, turn my lights and siren on, and leave the garage. I have to be prepared for a myriad of possibilities and the dynamic nature of a scene.  The unknowns and what ifs can be scary. It’s easy to be anxious.

 

God is sovereign.

 

Many times this truth has quieted my heart while on duty. He knows the calls, the transfers, the patients, the challenges – every part of my shift. He will equip, strengthen, and give grace for whatever lies ahead. This is His promise and He will never fail me. “As your days, so shall your strength be” (Deut. 33:25).

 

“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to an all-knowing God.”

 – A. W. Tozer

 

Whether that future be the hours of my next shift, the activities of my next day, or changes of the next year of my life, He knows the plans He has for me. All He asks from me is to trust Him.

 

Is it a job? Is it higher education? Is it both? Is it neither? Will it mean moving? Is marriage a part of God’s plan? If so, when will it be? If not, what then? The questions flood my mind. “In the multitude of my thoughts within me, Thy comforts delight my soul” (Psalm 94:19).

 

God is sovereign.

 

He has chosen today for me. His gift to me in this hour is singleness – to pursue “the things of the Lord” (I Corinthians 7:34), to be His minister doing His pleasure (Psalm 103:21).

 

To my single sisters, the Lord has chosen the path you are on for a reason – to form you into His image for His honor and glory. Over this past week, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, now Mrs. Robert Wolgemuth, shared lessons from her years as a single woman. I greatly appreciated her wisdom and words of encouragement (the series is found here). She says, “Whatever your season of life, be intentional about becoming the woman that God made you to be, being conformed to the image of Christ. Listen, some circumstances that you are in presently are exactly the circumstances you need to become more like Jesus.”

 

Our lives are not simply about going through college, getting letters to add behind our name, having a career, or even changing our last name. Our lives are all about conforming to the image of Christ. That’s the primary focus. The Ph.D., vocational path, singleness or marriage are tools the Lord uses in our lives to share His love with others, show His grace to us, and bring glory to His name. And He knows which tools will allow us to glorify Him the most.

 

God is sovereign.

 

Peace, joy, goodness, and love do not come from the what but the Who. I can’t find these in my circumstances no matter how hard I try. We can only find these in a God who is merciful, faithful, loving, patient, infinitely kind, all-powerful, and sovereign. Nancy further writes, “If you let God write the script for your life, it will be good. Joy comes not from writing our own story or having the story go as we would have scripted it. Joy comes from saying, ‘Yes, Lord,’ to whatever story He writes for our lives….He will be your warmth. He will be your protection. He will be your covering. He will be your energy. He will give grace.”

 

There’s a quote on my bulletin board I put up several years ago. It’s one of my favorites, from one of my spiritual mentors. It reminds me that my completeness and fullness are found in Christ, in whom “are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge” (Colossians 2:3).

“Hear the call of God to be a woman. Obey that call. Turn your energies to service. Whether your service is to be to a husband and through him and the family and home God gives you to serve the world, or whether you should remain, in the providence of God, single in order to serve the world without the solace of husband, home, and family, you will know the fullness of life, fullness of liberty, and (I know whereof I speak) fullness of joy.”

 – Elisabeth Elliot

 

God knows the path for my life. My part is to trust Him and to run my race well. The future is known to Him, I need not fear what lies ahead. He is working in my waiting, in what He has laid before me today.

 

Christ wants our lives, our hearts, our all. He wants women on fire for Him and His glory. Fulfillment, safety, and joy come from being at the center of His will, trusting Him for the future – a future known to Him.

 

“Lord, help us, help us, help us to be Your women now,

in whatever circumstance, in whatever season You have placed us,

so that we can give You glory, so we can bless, serve, minister grace

to others You put in our lives. All this we pray for Jesus’ sake, amen.”

 – Nancy Leigh DeMoss Wolgemuth

God is sovereign.

Of Northern Lights and Shooting Stars

I just worked 72 hours in six days. I also squeezed in a trip to Duluth to visit my sister and somehow managed to survive a head cold. On top of that, I seem to be stuck in a middle-of-the-night transfer rut, which means my sleep average at work for the last five shifts has been 2.5 hours.

As I got off work this morning, I came away with a greater view of God’s faithfulness and tender mercies. Not only are His grace and strength sufficient for each step, but also He delights in blessing His children. Sometimes the blessings are big and obvious, while others are small and, if I don’t look close enough or my heart isn’t sensitive, easy to miss.

Two shifts ago at 0200 hours, I was trying desperately not to fall asleep. My partner was driving us back from a transfer. I was fighting nasal congestion and willing away the miles, eagerly anticipating the moment when I could crawl back into bed at base. Suddenly I felt prompted to look out my window and when I did, the sky was glowing – vibrant green Aurora Borealis against a star-studded background. My partner stopped the ambulance on the side of the road and we just watched the spectacular display for several minutes. For me, it was a love note from my Heavenly Father. He knew exactly where I was, what I was doing, how tired I was, and He chose to remind me of His love in a very visible way.

Last night, or, rather, early this morning, I was thankful for the few hours of sleep I got before the transfer call came in. About fifteen minutes down the road, a shooting star streaked across the night sky right in my field of vision. I hadn’t seen one since I was a child. We got back to base only a few hours before my shift ended, but I was able to get another hour of sleep, for which I was very grateful. For someone whose enemy is insomnia, it is such a relief when I can sleep and sleep well.

Sometimes I sit back in wonder at where I am right now: an insomniac like me working 24 shifts. It’s just not what I would have pictured or realized I would do. I had read yesterday’s calendar quote before I went to work, but it was all the more vivid this morning: “Be prepared for the will of God to be very different from what you imagined.” I couldn’t agree more with Elisabeth Elliot’s statement.

Then, as I pondered that more, I realized it is because God’s will not about me. It’s not about what I can do for God, what things I achieve, or what I plan to do with my future. It’s all about Christ and what He does through me for His glory. It’s about His will.

“It’s not about what we become for Him. 

It’s about what He makes of us for His glory.”

I’m not sure who that quote is from, but I think they say it well. When I’m in fellowship with Christ and my heart is in tune to His direction, then wherever He places me or whatever He puts before me is His will for me. From the beginning of eternity, He’s had a plan and, however miniscule my role may seem in the big picture, I’m humbled that He wants to use me. I’m a simple clay pot with holes, if you will, through which His light can shine out to the world and out of which His love can pour for others. He has a plan for each one of us but He does not forget our frail humanity or set us aside simply because we are weak. “As a father shows compassion to His children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:13-14). He shows Himself strong where we are weak, crowns us with steadfast love and mercy, and renews our youth like the eagle’s. He blesses us and is oh so good to us. The end result is His honor and glory, of which He is infinitely and eternally worthy to receive.

In the words of Becky Buller’s beautiful prayer “Make Us to Shine,” may we be “worthy in Your sight to illuminate the night.” May we be willing to shine however dark the night, may we be willing to follow however steep the path, and may we be willing to honor Him however high the cost. The cost of our redemption was far too dear to Him for us to do nothing less. 

Martha and Her Many Things

I got stuck on last Sunday’s Daily Light. In fact, it was so convicting that I read it three nights in a row. It was one of those times where a passage pierced right to my heart and I sat back and said, slowly, “Oh, that’s me.”

 

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you:

not as the world giveth, give I unto you. – The

world passeth away, and the lust thereof – Surely every man

walketh in a vain shew: surely they are disquieted in vain: he heapeth

up riches, and knoweth not who shall gather them. – What fruit had ye

then in those things whereof ye are now ashamed? For the end of those

things is death. – Martha, Martha, thou are careful and troubled about many

things: but one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good

part, which shall not be taken away from her – I would have you without

carefulness. – These things have I spoken unto you, that in Me ye might have

peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer: I

have overcome the world – The Lord of peace Himself give you peace

always by all means – The Lord bless thee, and keep thee; the Lord

make His face to shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: the Lord

lift up His countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

 

John 14:27 – I John 2:17 – Ps. 39:6 – Rom. 6:21 – Luke 10:41-42

I Cor. 7:32 – John 16:33 – II Thess. 3:16 – Num. 6:24-26

The story of the two sisters, Mary and Martha, is quite short – only five verses. Mr. Bagster chose to place just two of them in Day 143 of his Daily Light. I’m ashamed to admit that every other single time I’ve read that story, I have tsk tsk’d Martha for her foolishness. In my spiritual pride, I’ve always figured that, if it had been me in that situation, I would have chosen the better way like Mary did.

 

I realized on Sunday that I’m regularly Martha. I am guilty of being troubled about many things. I am guilty of being distracted by the things that are quickly passing away – the ephemeral, the transient, the fleeting.

 

“Careful,” the word Christ used to describe Martha in verse 41 is otherwise translated “anxious.” We read elsewhere in Scripture that the Lord does not want us to be anxious – about anything.

 

“I would have you without carefulness”

 – I Corinthians 7:32

 

“Be careful for nothing: but in everything by prayer and supplication

with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”

 – Philippians 4:6

Another translation puts I Cor. 7:32 this way: “I want you to be free from the concerns of this life” (NLT). Christ does not want us living burdened down and distracted by the cares of earthly life. If we are, then we’re not living the abundant life He offers us.

 

There was nothing wrong with what Martha was concerned about. Dishes have to be washed, floors to be swept, food to be prepared, and houses to be cleaned. That’s a normal part of life. We have to work to provide for our needs and to be good stewards of what the Lord has given us. In short, we really can’t avoid the cares of life. But we can change how we think about them.

The problem with Martha – and me – was focus. Somehow, while living here on earth, we need to keep our eyes on the eternal. We are to be seeking the things above – the unseen things that are eternal.

 

Martha needed one thing and Mary had chosen that good thing: an eternity-seeking heart focused on Christ. When our hearts are resting in Christ, then we find His peace and we can face the tribulation in the world because He has overcome and makes us overcomers.

 

“In the multitude of my thoughts within me,

Thy comforts delight my soul.”

 – Psalm 94:19

Instead of tying myself up in knots over this and that, I simply need to rest in Christ and ask Him for wisdom to discern what matters and what doesn’t. I want to build up treasure in heaven and keep my priorities in proper order.

“We are merely moving shadows,

and all our busy rushing ends in nothing.

We heap up wealth, not knowing who will spend it.

And so, Lord, where do I put my hope?

My only hope is in You.”

 – Psalm 39:6-7

 

When I rush around living like Martha, I end up distracted, exhausted, overwhelmed, and anxious. It’s so far from peaceful and abundant that it’s not even funny. In His infinite love, the Lord nudges my thinking, gently redirects my focus, and gives me grace and another chance. It’s easier to face the world with my eyes on Christ and a heart quieted by His peace.

 

“In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.”

 – Isaiah 30:15

The Love of God

The love of God is greater far

Than tongue or pen can ever tell.

It goes beyond the highest star,

And reaches to the lowest hell.

The guilty pair, bowed down with care,

God gave His Son to win;

His erring child He reconciled,

And pardoned from his sin.

Oh, love of God, how rich and pure!

How measureless and strong!

It shall forevermore endure --

The saints' and angels' song.

When hoary time shall pass away,

And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,

When men who here refuse to pray,

On rocks and hills and mountains call,

God's love so sure, shall still endure,

All measureless and strong;

Redeeming grace to Adam's race --

The saints' and angels' song.

Oh, love of God, how rich and pure!

How measureless and strong!

It shall forevermore endure --

The saints' and angels' song.

Could we with ink the ocean full,

And were the skies of parchment made,

Were every stalk on earth a quill,

And every man a scribe by trade;

To write the love of God above

Would drain the ocean dry;

Nor could the scroll contain the whole,

Though stretched from sky to sky.

Oh, love of God, how rich and pure!

How measureless and strong!

It shall forevermore endure --

The saints' and angels' song.

- Frederick Lehman